My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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