I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
