Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
