I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
