And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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