You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
did i walk over a car last night?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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