do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
