the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
