ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
