there's paper in my vomit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
