The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
