i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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