Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
