How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
