I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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