My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dignity is for republicans.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
