My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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