you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
