I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My dick has a subreddit
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
