I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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