yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
