six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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