woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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