Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
