So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
