I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
