Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
