Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I just put wine in my tea
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
