My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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