Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
