i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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