I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize