I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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