I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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