I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
