i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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