well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
