While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
