i can't believe i had my finger in that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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