It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
