just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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