Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
