She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
