My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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