I feel like abortions should bother me more
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
