Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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