We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
