He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
