My friends, they love my intelligence
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sext me about skeletons
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