ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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