Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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