How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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