she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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