HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
