At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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