YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
