I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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