they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
