apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
