you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
