thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
