I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
