rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
