Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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