security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I believe in your delicious
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
