hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
